Image: Neill Kumar
When you hold onto something so tightly, so protectively, how can you possibly imagine letting go?
That which we hold onto we treat as precious and integral to the very core of our essence. And it's with this that letting go seems impossible when we fight to hold on for dear life.
We hold onto semblances of reality because letting go means loosening the grasp on what we believe to this part of our identity that we just cannot let go of.
After months of non-stop full-throttle go and a frank lifetime of not knowing when to stop, pause and be still in silence, just letting it go and being with what is loses its psychological allure in the daily routine of being human.
We live in a world that "hardens" our beings, and without judgment, it's for our own protection.
Somatically, the effects can't be ignored.
We've all been through trauma at some point in time in our lives that's fine-tuned our awareness of protection, fight or flight response, letting go, and holding on.
After 1.5 months of moving out of one apartment, moving into a new rental, a work retreat, anxiety, travel to both sides of the country, a week in big cities, and a fair amount of alone time, I've held onto a lot. The dust of the past 8 weeks (and the lifetime before that)—the good, the bad, the challenging—and the relationships encounters settled in to take residence in a way I couldn't help but hold on tightly to. After eight weeks of protection for my own being—how can I easily peel off the layers, and just let some of it go.
Life itself is starting to settle down in a few ways but not in many others. I am back "home" at least for a bit. Back to yoga. Back to climbing. Back into an environment that's been long defined as safe and protective, but when you've spent weeks on months holding on, how can you let go just like that?
It's an unraveling of a spectrum of emotions and experiences that our brains have duped us into believing matter—every single one of them.
But the trick is trust, developing the trust that what's important will stick around. The trust that we let go of what's not so important anymore.
The myth of letting go is the trust required to fill the void of that layer we drop. It's the trust that we can allow ourselves to fall apart and soften the prickly edges, and remember that someone has our backs.